I am becoming lazier and lazier by the second. I crave it. I need it; it is insatiable. Also, epitome of laziness: not wanting to walk approximately 300 ft to go to class. Right now, I’m in the Blocker Open Access Lab, and I have a class in Blocker 126 at 11:30 (it’s just MATLAB), and I am too lazy to motivate myself to get up. Now that’s just sad. I think I will just go a little late to it. We have a test on Thursday in that class, so the only thing that we’re going to be doing is a test review. I have already studied a lot for that test, and I think I’m calculused out. Granted, I’m going to go, but I will just arrive fashionably late. Everyone needs some rest and relaxation once in a while, even if it is only 10 mintues. Heck, that’s all the time in the world that I have.
Lately, I have had a growing desire for the written word. It seems that I can not get enough. For example, most people watch TV, listen to music, or play video games for their little down time, but I feel pulled towards the written word, and in particular poetry. I read it online all the time, and I have to make myself stop because it causes lack of productivity. If any of you people who read this has any suggestions about good poems, whether that be your favorite, most thought provoking, most eloquent, etc.., just comment, and it will be greatly appreciated. My favorite poet right now is Walt Whitman because he writes with a unique eloquence and evokes simplicity.
I have also lately been composing my own. Sometimes, I get fairly bored in most of my easy classes, and I start to write just anything that I’m thinking about. Sometimes, it may be random, but others, it is serious and deep. I don’t usually share my real ones with people, in fact, I don’t think that I ever have but, I don’t mind at all showing people my funny ones, such as the poem I wrote about biology lab class or the guy in our chemistry class who acts really dumb. It was fun. If you know any mechanics, you will get this line, “How can he be such a third derivative, that he can’t understand something so primative?” (Third derivate is with respect to velocity).
I I like to journal because it relaxes me, and it gives me a time to escape. later, gators
I’m sitting here at my computer, at my Katy Home. This is the first time I’ve been home this semester, and it feels quite weird because I’m not even sure if I feel like this is my home. I live in College Station now. I feel so disillusioned, almost like when I come here, it’s in a dream. A happy dream ,of course (because I like to have happy dreams!), but it feels like I’m not supposed to be here. I feel loved, but it’s just not who I am anymore. Boy, this summer is going to be interesting. Well, that’s enough about that. I now would like to put some gibberish on the table because that’s what I do best. It also seems to entertain people.
I guess I can do 6 random facts about me:
1) I have a small (not raised) mole right below my belly button. It is perfect for bikinis. Good thing I’ve never worn a real one.
2) I killed my pet hermit crab when I was a little girl, approximately 9 years old. I was playing teacher like all little ones do, and I put the hermit crab on my overhead (which has the brightest light ever) and it just died because of heat exposure. Sad tale.
3) I bought clothes from Osh Gosh BeGosh when I was a junior in high school because they had a 80% off sale
4) I won the school and district spelling bee in fourth grade. The next year, I purposely misspelled “hummingbird” so that I wouldn’t have to study any more words again. Now, my spelling abilities are decreasing because of the increased vocabulary that I have acquired. ( when I learn new words, I just know what they mean, not how to spell them…because I learn them verbally, not visually)
5) The way I eat a salad is odd compared to most people. I get my lettuce, tomatoes, sprouts, onions, mushrooms, bell peppers, olives, eggs, etc. on one plate. Then, I get a separate bowl for the salad dressing. The way I eat it is by dipping the vegetables into the salad dressing. I hate having the salad dressing on top. And yes, I am weird.
6) My singing range is D3 to F#5
have a wonderful evening. I’m off to party!!!! Later, gators
-CDS-
1) I am done with all my tests this week, and I got pretty good grades on them
2) I am discovering new musical artists, and I like them!
3) Life is all about change, but when it comes down to it, people are all the same.
4) Spring Break ‘04 is going to rock!
5) Corps boys annoy the hell out of me sometimes.
1) This week has been pretty good, basically because all of the stress is over. This has been the first night out of 6 weeks that I have gotten more than 4 hours of sleep. (yea, I know). I slept from 12:30 a.m.-7:30 a.m. I really forgot what sleep was, and boy, does it feel good. It’s so sad that I woke up this morning, and I was like, “yay…i get to go to chem lab and take a quiz.” (no sarcasm here…seriously). It’s also really beautiful outside, which makes things wonderful. I like walking around the campus and just admiring how gorgeous it can really be. There are so many trees and random animals running around (particularly squirrels); it’s just nice sometimes.
2) One of my favorite muscial artists now is Matt Nathanson. Michelle showed him to me a couple weeks ago, and even though the lyrics don’t apply to me, I still like it. ( I find that I like a lot of songs whose lyrics don’t apply to me. e.g, the lumberjack song, etc…) The beat is something that I can relate to and the harmonies are good. He’s kinda cute as well, not like it matters, but we all know how girls are. Also, I find that I have different types of music for different things. Like, Matt ( first name basis) comes with me when I go running. Jason and John play with me when I want to study. and etc, etc. I’m sure everyone is like that.
3) I like the way that life transforms itself into something great all the time. Everyday, I find new adventures with people I see, things I do, things I experience. It’s so wonderful. :) But I think that no matter how individualistic people may be, we all want the same thing. Happiness. Joy. Convivality. And yes, I know that there are misanthropic people out there, who will say that that’s not true at all, and life is all destined to a fate resembling hell, but that’s not the way I am. I’m a chipper, and I plan on staying that way.
4) A year ago when I envisioned how awesome my freshman year spring break was going to be, I thought that I would be skiing / beaching with my newly made friends. eh, not at all now. Not only do I not have enough resources to go on those kind of adventures, home just sounds good. Basically, a plan of doing nothing. Already, I want to go to Austin to see a concert, go shopping for the heck of wasting time, seeing my awesome Boston friend, visit people, try to find a good job for this summer with another friend. R and R is what I need right now, and you know what?….I’m gonna get it. awesome.
5) Corps boys are really stupid I think. e.g. On Sunday, we planned on meeting from 6-8pm for an engineering team meeting. We picked this time because that’s the only time that THEY were available. Of course, I’m always busy, with such stuff as church and random homework things. So, since I was home this weekend, I was going to go to the earlier church service, but that didnt happen, so I just came to the conclusion that I was going to miss church for our very important engineering team meeting. I got to our meeting place at around 5:50 p.m., waited for a little bit, looked for them , started doing my own homework, looked again for them, tried to call…no answer. So, they just skipped. wow…i was frustrated. there are 4 people on a team. (so it was just me). And then I asked them on Tuesday where they were, and they just said that they forgot. grr. You just don’t plan on meeting and then not show up. And they were all nonchalant about skipping…another guy was like, yea, I went to a chem review instead. So, not only did all 3 of my other team members skip, it put be back timewise and i missed church. grrr. I think people should have more decency, but I guess it’s a learning experience for the real world that you shouldn’t be able to depend on other people. Not even to the smallest degree. Do everything for yourself and things will work.
Stupid corps boys.
more to come later, but now, i’ts some good ole’ matlabbing time.
Stupid (or “stoopid”) Circadian rhythm. It’s 2:40 a.m. on my computer clock, and I have church in the morning, but I can’t go to bed, maybe this will make me want to sleep. But anyways, I guess as a a good kid, I’ll update the family on the past, present, and future of Spring Break ‘04 (and no, that wasn’t meant to be an allusion to Charles Dicken’s , A Christmas Carol, ) but it did seem to work fine, so I guess I’ll just leave it.
Friday (3/12/04): Woke up around 10 a.m after going to bed at 4 a.m., after hanging out with my friends until midnight (Thursday) and talking online and watching a “girl movie” (as I like to call it). It was ” A Walk to Remember” in fact—-very sad movie. It hits home with me just because of various scenes and circumstances, but all the same, I have always enjoyed it.
Anyways, everyone in College Station seemed to go home during the afternoon, so I was stuck with not that many people to hang out with. Luckily, two of my good friends, Kyle and Tiffany, were there, and they wanted me to go to a party with them. But at the same time, I didn’t know if I wanted to go home or go to the party. Like, I knew I would have fun whatever I did, but it took a while to figure it out. My decision was basically made when my mom called and told me that I wasn’t going to be driving in the dark. (Moms always know best). So the party it was! We all left the dorm around 9ish, even though I before I decided that I was going to go, I wanted to go do something physical, like play a sport or something, but because none of the friends that I was with like to do that stuff, I think that was out of the question. (It sucks sometimes). So, I was going to be the DD, and I was. A damn good one in fact. So, I drove to the party, and it turns out that I knew the guy whose house it was. (He was in my MATH 152 class last semester, but he failed it. That’s sad). The party was pretty fun. Everyone got drunk. except for me. I was the good DD, like I said. I can actually see myself being the DD all throughout college. The basic reason why I don’t drink is because I don’t like the loss of control and the situations that I could get into. For me, it’s just so much safer to not drink because I’m already crazy as it is, so me being drunk…well, that’s just a bad combination…or so I would like to think. The basic summary is that one of my friends passed out asleep and another one of my friends puked 3 times. Don’t worry…it may seem bad, but they always do that, I think . I don’t like alcohol at all, but maybe I’m just a “life virgin.” I’m too naive for my own good I believe
Saturday ( 3/13/03):
I got in at 3:30 a.m. in the morning. I woke up when my mom called at 9:30 a.m. She asked if I would like to meet her and John at Chappel Hill for lunch at around noon. I agreed, and she gave me easy directions. started to pack up my car at around 10:30, almost locking myself out of the dorm. All my stuff was really heavy, and I was glad all of that packing was over. Especially doing it by myself sucks, but then again, I’ve always done it like that (i.e no one helping me), so I guess I was used to it. (Sometimes it’s just nice to have someone to help.) So, I left around 11, with not much gas in the Camry. I was fine. I had good music playing! I got lost with the directions, so I ended up not meeting them for lunch, but I did find this really cool old car showcase. It had all the old classic cars, fully redone, beautifully crafted. Probably an hour outside of College Station. So, I left and went back to the Katy House. I was freakin’ hungry at the time I got home, so I made myself a magical creation. Sauteed onions and a hot turkey sandwich with au jus sauce. I was quite proud of myself. I also got to play with my new cell phone, which totally rocks. I get signal, yay! My mom and John got home, and we arrange our dinner plans. (everytime all of us are home, we like to arrange at least one really nice meal…and it turns out that tonight was the night). We got to Michelangelos, a really awesome KA Italian restaurant downtown. We eat…taking about 2.5 hours. And I have to admit, that their tiramuse was the best I have EVER tasted. YUM! We drive home, and I just chill, think I get on the computer. I get a little bored and fat, so I decide that I want to go running. I do this at about 12:30 a.m. (which would actually be today). I start running around the neighborhood, listening to a CD, planning on running 6 miles, but right after I hit 1.5 miles, my CD player loses its power. STUPID BATTERIES. And I seriously can not run without music, so I was going to run inside the house and look to see if we have any batteries, but no luck. I run upstairs to see I have any in use in another battery operated item, but darn…no luck. :(. That makes me sad….really sad. I mean, yea, I could run without it, but it’s just not the same because basically, when I run, it’s my escape from the world. When I’m running, it feels as though I’m walking on pure air. I think about all my trials with life…I think about my direction…I think about just basic things, but to me, they’re important. Sometimes I do though have random thoughts when I run as well. I think 3 days ago, I “wrote” a poem when I was running. I should have jotted it down. Eh well. I write too much as it is. So, I only ran 3 miles, and I think to myself, “that will suffice.” I’m going to run 6 miles tomorrow with my mommy, I believe, after church at 10:45. mmm…church. I feel so good when I go to church; it makes me feel so alive inside. So now, i’m sitting here in my very own solitude, and I like it. No one around…no one to worry about…no one to disturb. We are all like that though, I believe. Bluntly stated, I think too much. I don’t really think about the relationships I have with people as much, but I always hypothesize theories about the way that the world works. Sometimes, as of lately, I feel as though it’s being supressed. I don’t know how to make it come back out, but I do. Maybe I should join a book discussion group, with “old” ( to me) people. I always liked doing that stuff in high school, so I don’t see why not in college. We’ll just have to see.
Sunday (3/13/04):
That’s about right now. My tentative plans are to go to church and praise God for everything He’s given us. Go running with my beautiful mommy. Get all the pictures from my computer developed. Go to Katy Budget Books and search the poetry section, using my book credit. Buy a new mouse for my laptop. Go to James Avery to exchange my ring for a charm. Do some bloody calculus hw. Go over to Brandon’s house and visit with his family (i.e. “Mom,” “Dad,” Rachel, Hannah, Jordan, Garrett). Call Osama up to see if we’re going to do anything this week, like a movie or something. Visit Kari, my lover. AHHHHHH…too many things that I would like to do, and SOOO little time. Definteily there has to be more. Oh well. It’s all in the immediate future
Monday (3/15/04):
Drive to Austin to see Johathan, Elizabeth, and Dale. :) Play with them for a couple of hours. Leave to go find Michelle, wherever I’m meeting that super kid. Go to the best concert alive!!!!!!!! :) :) :) Have fun at 6th street..heehehehehe…or whatever. Enjoy life to the fullest. (no problem there) Sleep with Michelle. j/k (probably at her house…not WITH her).
Tuesday(3/16/04):
Wake up for enough time to meet Jennifer, Elizabeth, and Jonathan for lunch. Eat lunch with them. Say goodbye. Drive home. Get home around 4-5 pm. Relax. Go running. See what everyone is doing, and then go out and have some fun!
Wednesday (3/17/04):
Call Sarah up to do something with that kid. Do stuff with her. See what Jason might be doing. Do stuff with him. Go to the mall.
Thursday: (3/18/04):
Friday(3/20/04):
Wake up at 8 a.m. Go to the dentist by 9 a.m. Get a wisdom tooth extraction. Cry.:(
Saturday (3/21/04):
Start to pack stuff up, depending on how I feel. Leave for College Station at around 4 p.m
Sunday (3/22/04):
Reflect on the awesome week that you just had. Start the viscious cycle which I like to refer as school. MATLAB, INVENTOR, etc, etc etc…HOMEWORK ROCKS MY WORLD! Go to sleep around 3 a.m.
“good nite moon.”
It’s 4:30 a.m, and I can’t go to bed. I’m thinking about doing something productive like my MATH 253 HW that needs to be done. Anyways, I finished a REALLY LONG survey (around 150 questions) that I added to the links section of the webpage. Feel free to read whatever you want. I did it for myself because I find that stuff fun. yea, I know…I AM a dork.
G’nite, my lovers.
The Conclusion of my Spring Break:
1) I got to hang out with :
a) Sarah, seeing “Starksky and Hutch” (freakin’ hilarious)
b) Betti, going to Starbucks and talkin’ what we usually talk about. Aww, I love that girl!
c) Osama, watching day 1 of march madness, and going to Sonic like all the high school kids used to. I forgot how much fun I have with him.
d) Brandon’s family, just hung out for the whole day with them starting with the making of the “goulop” (as Rachel calls it. it’s basically a mixture of sausage, pepperoni, cheese, and tomato sauce eaten with breadsticks). It was too ephemeral.
e) Elizabeth, Johnathan, and Jennifer. It was good seeing them in their preganant prime. Both of their faces were radiant.
f) Michelle, an Aggie. It was good going to that concert with her and listening to those 3 heart throbs that I only had to pay $14.00 to see. (totally worth it!). I can’t wait until I can get my pictures developed.
2) I got my wisdom teeth out on Friday, and it’s fine now. Things like that don’t even bother me. I hated taking the pain medicine because it made me drowsy. Sometimes I can be as obstinate as a mule. I also hate when I have no feeling in my tongue. (that seriously was the worst part of the whole ordeal).
It took about 8 hours for me to get that feeling back. SOOO debilitating. Good thing I didn’t have to play my instrument that day.
3) Also, I back ordered a ring from James Avery this break. I lost the first one when I was swimming at the rec this year. :(. It was my favorite ring. In fact, I received it during my confirmation my junior year, and I don’t like to part without it. It had an inscription of “Jesus Christ the King” (but it was written in Latin). I don’t know why I liked that ring as much as I did, but there’s something about it that I couldn’t give up. But that’s how all my rings are. All the jewelry I like to wear has some symbolic deepness to me.
4) Over this break, I have thought about all the things that I miss when I’m not home. Not many of them are dynamic enough for me to consider them “a longing.” Some of these things (that don’t matter) are: Cosmo, my twin size bed, a real refridgerator, the decor of our house, a driveway, etc. Basically, just the little things.
So now, suprisingly enough, the biggest thing that I missed while at home was being able to walk outside my door, go running and ACTUALLY see people that weren’t of college age. I don’t know why, but it brought a smile to my face when I saw a 65 year old lady walking her dog. I think I just missed making running my escape. As I begun to think, I realized that in College Station, I don’t escape like I do at home. Maybe this will be cured if I find a neighborhood or something. But I guess for now, the 3.5 mile trail around the golf course shall suffice.
5) Tomorrow starts the busy schedule that consumes me at times.
6) I’m trying to add a zip file link to my page with a lot of my work. Who knows when it’ll be up.
I don’t have much time for an entry right now. Currently, I’m in Blocker Computer Lab, getting lots of stuff done. I’ve already done my MATLAB for the night and am doing my online hw. I’m headed to the Memorial Student Center in a while (about an hour) to make my fingers play the piano. MMM…Beethoven. I swear, if he wasn’t dead, he would be over at my house right now, and we would be sharing some strawberries and champagne. He just makes me that happy. Anyways, I just wanted to share something I learned today. It involves the wonders of our English language. MMM…I love it so much. Well, here’s the word. Have a wonderful day.
Court
As I sit here in awe of how evocative some singers can be (i.e. Gavin DeGraw), it catalyzed a thought. (of course, that’s how everything with me gets started). I have not only realized that it’s the little things that count in life, but I have now begun to experience it even more deeply than before. And even though it may not seem like a pinnacle, but to me it does, I am in awe. Maybe, it is just this day, but right now I am euphoric. Today was such a blur, but it was still pretty good.
Friday (12 am-11:59 pm)
Because I had a 9am dental appointment for suture removal in Katy, TX, the matriarch decided that it would a good idea to be there on Thursday night instead of driving back and forth. so, I was at the Katy House.
I was bored out of my mind, and I didn’t want to do hw (needed to), and because running makes me feel productive, I decided to do that. I was going to run 1 mile at 12:15 in the morning, and it was the most fabulous 7 minutes that I have experienced in such a long time. There was not one single car to distract me, and the weather was absolutely perfect. I didn’t even have music which would usually bother me, but for that solitary moment, the sound of my feet was enough to just soothe me. I loved it. So, then I started my homework, succeeding. I talked to my friend about lots of things. I wanted to run another mile, but I yawned, so I decided against it. I went to bed at 3am, only having to wake up at 8:30 a.m. Instead, I woke up at 8:45 a.m. No biggie. I ate some breakfast and headed to the dentist. I sat down in the chair, and they saw that I had a bacterial infection on my right lower area; therefore, they didn’t want to take the sutures out quite yet (because there was no dentist in da house). They called in for me to take another weeks worth of penicillin. Gross. (i hate medicine…I don’t even take advil even if I’m in pain. I figure mind over matter works better). I was supposed to have an 8 am appointment on Monday in KATY, and that means driving another time (85 miles one way) :(, but we called a dentist in College Station to see if he could do the same thing, and that’s what happened. I now have a 8 am dental appointment in college station on Monday, and I’m glad that I don’t have to waste so much time just driving for a 5 minute appointment. So, then I went to class, and it was ggrrrrreat. Taryn and I did the “Aisha” dance and laughed about the correlation between hydrogen peroxide and rabies. THEN IT WAS TIME FOR SOME FUN! Kelly and I went out to College Station. We hit up the shops (i.e. Goody, Shoe Carnival, T.J. Max, Walmart, Walgreens, Plato Planet). I had too much fun with that girl, pictures were taken and more memories were made but my favorite shop was Goodwill, where I found a really nice, brand new looking (american eagle) shirt for 95 cents. It fits perfectly, and that brings a smile to my face as large as the continental divide. Then, we ate dinner, which was chinese food from Walmart in the frozen section. It was soooo delicious, really healthy, and only $1.78. We watched March Madness games after that. UT lost against Xavier. :( :( :( :(. Duke beat Illinois. :) . So, all in all, today was one of the best I have had in the past couple of weeks. Awesome. I must go to bed now because this girl (third person) has a busy and fun filled day tomorrow.
-court-
And this my friends is the epitome of college—up at 2:58 a.m. in the morning, only having to be off campus at 8 a.m. I have the sense of me to go to bed, but I’m just not tired, so I say screw it. This’ll be a quick entry because I’m pretty sure I won’t have the time to update this week. (LOTS OF THINGS DUE) Who would care about my life, I’m not quite sure? It seems too routine for me most of the time, but when I have time that permits, (which is never) I like to break all barriers of any conception of normal. Instead of thinking outside of the box, I like to live outside the box. To make me happy you just have to be yourself around me. That’s all I ask. Nothing more. I think I feel this way because I have a strong disposition against superficiality, but I’m not going to dive into this subject because I have too much to say about it. And I’m sure that no one wants to hear it. So there
Also, there’s something “wrong” with me.
I think way damn too much, and it’s starting to bother me, for I don’t know how to make it stop. Like, I ALWAYS (infattic for emphasis) have ideas churning inside of me, but for me what’s weird is that it’s not like one of those normal “thinking too much” , such as over-analyzing situations. They’re just random ideas or more like culminations of ideas. Sometimes it could be what makes a leprachuan so lovable or how well a song lyric relates to a poetry passage that I could have previously read. They’re just thoughts that don’t make any sense to other people.
Is this just me or does everyone else experience this in the degree that I do? I guess I just get bored with most things, so I’m always thinking, trying to alleviate that. (I also find this hard to comprehend because I am at such a great university where scholars and intellects are ever present, but I still come back to the same place where I am initially—stuck thinking too damn much. ) I think that’s why I can’t read full novels. It’s not that I don’t have enough patience to read them. ( I have lots of that), but whenever I read something in a book, it makes me think of something else, which makes me want to do something else, which in turn, makes me stop reading. Maybe what it is is that I would rather be an user than an observer. I would rather write myself than read what people have to say. And what’s weird is that I NEVER used to be like (i.e. get bored with everything so easily), so I find it difficult not knowing how to cure it. How annoying.
That’s enough for tonight. It’s just so frustrating sometimes.
-Courtney Diane-
P.S. I am hungry. Feed me.